So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
