help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
