So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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