i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
