why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
