the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
be right there i have to get my cape
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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