The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
