Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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