12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
