I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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