i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
