You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
