First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
