you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
