New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
