Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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