he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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