Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
