Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
