Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
