is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
