I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
