I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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