Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
