he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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