omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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