what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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