The best revenge is premature balding
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
