yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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