so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
