My nipple is on Facebook.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize