I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
