she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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