What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
