Your mouth is God's brothel.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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