My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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