If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my being single is dangerous.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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