he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this will be a night to untag.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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