well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of course I have a pirate flag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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