So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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