he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize