it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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