My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
