Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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