I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
