The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
