Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
