so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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