I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
