i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
