I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
