I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
