Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
