I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
home. puking in laundry basket.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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