Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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