David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
