I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize