Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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