I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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