She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
