he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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