What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My dick has a subreddit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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