i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
