He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
