Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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