Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
